I have two very lovely offers from two large New York publishing houses! I am currently in the process of deciding between the two houses, a process that must come to a close by tomorrow. Yikes! I hope I make the right choice. Before the offers, I thought my nervousness and anxiousness would stop when I knew my novel would be published. Wrongo! The neurotic parts of me have stepped it up a few notches, those weasels. Don't get me wrong -- I am thrilled! Truly. I just want to make sure I'm making an educated choice. A part of me feels like I am on the Price is Right trying to guess the right price of a refrigerator, so I have a chance at the Showcase Showdown. I miss those days -- you know the ones -- sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of ice cream and a mother to make you dinner and solve your problems for you. The bottom line is this: I feel like a goat on a rope (someone, I maah, please take me home to the right place).
In order to stunt my anxiety, I have been going to the gym A LOT! I have been eating low calorie, low taste ice cream bars, too. I keep going back to the basics: two people want to publish your book, Rebecca. That's a good thing. And it is.
A funny thing happened to me the night before I got my first offer. I was reading Eat, Pray, Love, and had just gotten to the part where the narrator is at the Ashram in India and really ups her prayer efforts. I grew up Catholic. It didn't occur to me that it was all right to pray for something as seemingly superficial as the success of my novel, until Elizabeth Gilbert said so.
Pray. I did. But not for the success of my novel, as it turned out. I prayed that I would find peace on the subject of my novel and not let a "no book deal" situation absorb my happiness or diminish my hard work. I prayed for peace. Who would have thought?
And I have to say, beyond the offer I received the very next day, my belief in God or a Godlike presence shifted. It has been a long time since I have even thought to pray for anything. Not only did I feel a great sense of peace when I let my intention go that night, I felt love.
Now, in the midst of great news, I am taking some time to return to prayer each evening (in my own, religious/non-religious way). I seek peace. I am the peace seeker.
Wish me luck, as I wish all of you luck!
More to come,